I Will Find You, Annoy You, and Sell You Insurance

tonysbologna : Honest. Satirical. Observations

I don’t know who you are, and I don’t care if you have a friend in the business. If you’re looking for understanding, I can tell you that I don’t have any empathy. But what I do have is a very particular set of skills acquired over a very long & brutal hiring process that allows me to offer attractive, sultry even, rates for your home and auto insurance that makes me a wet dream for new homeowners like you.

I was trained by the agents of I.N.C.E.L. — The Insurance Nuisance College of Extraordinary Losers. Annoying assholes such as the Robocall Robot, Patrick the Ponzi Scheme Guy and the Friendly Pollster have united to lead this maverick organization to weed out the impenetrable from the impressionable. What’s left from the filtration process are the most promising dreamless idiots. We are then meticulously sculpted from baby butterflies into insurance selling…

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